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『エイプリルフール』物語

カレンダー4月1日

「ふふふ」
熊本県熊本市に住む、4月6日に待望のニューシングル『縁を結いて(えにをゆいて)』をリリースする、
堂本剛の13年前の時ぐらいにイケメンだが今ひとつパッとしない25歳の青年は、薄汚い部屋の中で歓喜していた。
それもそのはず、やっと待ちに待った日が訪れたのだ。
今日は、この年で4回目の1日。つまり、『嘘を吐いても許される日』なのだ。
彼は、現代の「嘘を吐くのが当然の国、日本」において、この日にしか嘘を吐かない、今時珍しいバカだったのだ。
つまり彼にとっては、見てるブログ等もこの日だけは「見てない! 楽しんでない!!」と嘘を吐いても許される、「大震災で楽しんで無い」と嘘を吐いても許される日なのだ。
彼以外の日本人は毎日が4月1日なので『嘘』は日常茶飯事なのだが、彼にとっては紛れも無く特別な日なのだ。

彼が大ファンのアーティスト、堂本剛は、
「『嘘』にぶたれる音は好きじゃないや・・・」
「『嘘』は見破ってドブへ」
「『嘘』んだ社会が笑顔で僕コロス・・・。『嘘』んだ社会が笑顔で愛コロス・・・」
「真実引っさげて『嘘』をぶっ壊したいんです。真実を掲げて『嘘』を壊したいんだ」
「『嘘』を駆け抜けて叫ぼう」
と、かれこれ10年間は『嘘』を潰そうと孤軍奮闘しているが、それとこれとは話が別だった。

「くくく。嘘をつきまくってやるぜ」

と外に出て青空を仰ぎ、太陽に語りかける青年。
嘘太陽
「おい太陽! お前、根暗だな。暗いんだよ」早速、嘘を吐く少年。
太陽は降参したのか、ただ黙っている。

続いて、弁当チェーン店、ほっともっと熊本新南部店に向かう青年。
するとその途中、近所に住む5歳の少女よつばが、この界隈で一番の容姿端麗な美女あさぎに、
「あさぎはブス!!」と言って「なにぃ!?」と驚愕させていた。
「あんな小さい女の子まで、エイプリルフールを謳歌してやがるぜ。くくく」
負けじと青年も、『嘘の戦地』へと赴く。

嘘ほっともっと

ほっともっとでは今日から、AKB48チキンタツタコラボイベントが始まっているのだ。
おろしチキン竜田弁当を注文し、近くのパチンコ屋の休憩コーナーで食す青年。
「マズイ、マズ過ぎる。なんだこれ」と言いながら、完食する青年。

続いて、熊本市立田山に向かう青年。
嘘花
道中で一輪の花が目に入ったので、嘘を吐く事にした。
「お前に癒された事も無ければお前に救われた事も無いぞ、存在価値皆無の役立たずめ」
気が弱い人なら自殺してもおかしくない暴言をはく青年。なんと残虐非道なのだろうか。

立田山に辿り着くと6~7分咲きの桜たちに対して、罵倒を浴びせる。
嘘桜
「不細工だなお前等。醜いな。見る価値無し」
桜は死んだ人の生まれ変わりなので、何も言わない。何も言わない。
「ざまあみやがれ」家路に向かう事にした青年。だがまだまだ、『嘘』は終わらない。

帰宅途中、ダイドードリンコの自動販売機の目の前で佇む青年。ニヤリ。
嘘自動販売機
説明不要だろうが、自動販売機には明らかに誰も買わない、数合わせの飲料が含まれている。
スラムダンクでいうと、高砂一馬みたいなもんだ。
「ふふふ」青年は120円を投入し、『梅よろし』を購入する。
そして『梅よろし』を直視し、「よっ・・・人気者!!」と、心無い嘘を告げるのだった。
不人気者の梅よろしは、深く傷付いた。

家に帰ると、居間に母親がいた。
「母さん!」
「?」
「俺を生んでくれてありがとう。俺は人生が楽しくて仕方ないよ。感謝してるよ」
「?」
そして自室に入ってテレビを付けると、
人気音楽番組の、ミュージックステーションで、KAT-TUNが歌っていた。
snap_20yearsafterlove_201145193621.jpg
「やはり、赤西仁が脱退したのは痛手だな!」不敵な笑みでそう豪語する青年。

エイプリルフール物語 - 愛する人へのラブレター(gooブログ)
http://blog.goo.ne.jp/10yearsafterlove/e/94662f7a30b2a79241508d27587cd2b8

ふと思い出しパソコンを起動し、一年前のこの日に、自分が書いた小説もどきを見る。
「・・・」
それは、卒業文集より恥ずかしい内容だった。
「おっ、おっ、おっ、おもしれえな・・・これ」ヤケクソ気味にそう述べる青年。

「あっ、そうだ。ケンタ、ブログ作ったんだったな」
甥っ子がブログを開設し、URLを貰っていた事を思い出す青年。早速、アドレスバーに打ち込む。

ケンタのブログ
http://blog.goo.ne.jp/kenta11
嘘ケンタのブログ

●題名:アメージング・グレイス

ktkrヾ(*゜エ゜*)ノ
最近、リコーダー好きになった(^ω^)

日記 2011/03/29

●題名:遊園地

今日は遊園地に行きます(^ω^)//////
楽しみだーね(^ω^)

日記 2011/03/30

●題名:帰ったなう(^ω^)

今日ゎお買い物デーですた(ノ)ω(ヾ)
トトロのお弁当箱一目惚れ///
ジブリ最高だね(ノ)ω(ヾ)

日記 2011/03/31

カテゴリー全体表示
日記(10) うんち(1) うんこ(1) 矢(4) 弓(2) 

・・・。
「・・・Σ(゚Д゚;)」ってな感じで唖然とする青年。
天才青年の血を僅かにでも引いているとは思えない程の、つっまんねえブログだったのだ。
「だが・・・。今日は、」青年は高笑いする。
「ケンタ、お前のブログすげえ面白いよ。感動した。お前、現代の太宰治だよ」と、メールを送る青年。
「本当に? 日本一面白凄いブログの主である叔父さんにそう言われると、素直に嬉しいよ!」
と無邪気に喜ぶケンタ。
「(くくく・・・バカめ、嘘だケンタめ。騙されおって)」とほくそ笑む青年。
ケンタに「(バカな叔父さんだなー。叔父さんの自己満足ブログが面白凄いわけないじゃん・・・)」と、
嘘を吐かれた事には気付かずに・・・。

続いて、日頃お世話になっているFC2に感謝の言葉を送ろうと、問い合わせフォームを開く青年。
嘘FC2
「いつも楽しい場所を提供してくださり、本当にありがとうございます。
 客を客と思い、人を人と思い、問い合わせたら親身に丁寧に対応してくださる、
 FC2の素晴らしいユーザーサポートの皆様には、本当に感謝しています・・・。
 こんなに素晴らしいブログ運営会社は、他に存在しないでしょうね!
 酷い所になると、問い合わせても放置が当然ですからね・・・!
 けど、有料サービスに関する問い合わせだと迅速に返してくるっていうw
 ありえないわ。FC2様を見習って欲しいですよね・・・」と。

小腹が空いたので、かっぴえびせんを食べる事にする青年。
嘘かっぱえびせん
好物の、かっぱえびせんマヨネーズ付けだ。
「マズっ。ウナギと梅干、スイカとテンプラぐらいにマズっ。こんなの美味しいと思うの、味覚障害の田中ぐらいだわ」とかっぱえびせんをたいらげ、日本一、世界一、銀河一面白い4コマ漫画、
『伝染るんです。(著:吉田戦車)』を読む青年。
嘘うつるんです
1コマ目:ステュワーデス「お客様の中に、働きアリの方はいらっしゃいませんか!?」
2コマ目:アリ「私がそうですが」 ステュワーデス「あ」
3コマ目:ステュワーデス「機長のかわりに働いて頂きたいのです」 アリ「私でよければ働きましょう」
4コマ目:機長「もっ、申しわけありません・・・」

「つまんねえ、吉田戦車つまんねえ。センスねえよ」必死に笑いを堪えながらひとりごちる青年。

気を取り直し再び意識をパソコン画面に向け、行きつけの自殺サイトを覗く青年。
嘘自殺掲示板

「今から自殺します・・・。本気です」と言ってる利用者がいた。
「その手に乗るか、バカめ! そんな嘘に引っかかるかよ!!」と叫ぶ青年。
翌日、青年は「自殺サイトで予告して本当に自殺した少年」というニュースで楽しむ事になるとは、まだ知る由も無かった。

続いて、ニュースサイトを閲覧すると
嘘大地震

「東北地方太平洋沖地震は4月1日、発生から3週間となった。
警察庁の同日午後3時時点のまとめによると、死者は1万1620人、行方不明者は1万6464人で、合わせて2万8084人となった」というトピックが目に入った。

「なんて痛ましいんだ・・・。亡くなった方々の、ご冥福をお祈りします」
青年は笑福亭鶴瓶ばりにニヤケながら、そう言った。



●主題歌:遠い記憶(機動戦士ガンダム0080ポケットの中の戦争、ED曲) 作詞、作曲、歌:椎名恵

「 『嘘』をついた夜には、眠れずに・・・怖かった・・・
 どんな喧嘩をしても、次の日は忘れてた・・・。 
 空が、青い事・・・。それが、嬉しくて・・・。

 いつか人を疑い 生きる寂しさ知る事も、気つかずに全てを 信じてた頃・・・。

 愛する人にだけ いつの日か教えたかった・・・。 心に抱きしめてた 幼い夢をおぉ~・・・ 」



ジャスラック社員「・・・」
「やっ、やだなあ。嘘ですよ、嘘!!」

数時間後。青年は、取調室にいた。

「で、なんで歌詞を張ったりしたんだ? それは犯罪だぞ?」と刑事に詰め寄られている青年。
「やだなあ、刑事さん・・・だから、嘘ですって!! 今日は何の日だよおい」
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Where electrified bats?

These animals spot safety in the crevices of houses, hollows, crevices and caves. Some pursuit and existent in stocky colonies, others prefer solitude. So, long ago they base in a inwards b yield in Texas Bracken great colony of bats in 20 million individuals.
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Author:レターラヴ
住所:熊本県熊本市
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